Attempting to Sidestep Jesus’ Words on Divorce and Remarriage

I was recently speaking to someone on the subject of divorce and remarriage and here are some of the objections that were raised and my answers to those questions.

Scenario: A man cheats on his wife, divorces her, and wishes to remarry his lover (who was also married at the time).

Question: “Since this man has divorced his wife, and he wishes to marry his lover, can he Biblically?”

Answer: No!

“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.“ Luke 16:18

Question: “But if the man has already ‘broken the marriage covenant’ and the ex-wife is ‘seeing someone else’, wouldn’t the abomination mentioned in the mosaic law about a man divorcing his wife, letting her marry someone else, and then remarrying her apply (Deuteronomy 24:1-4)?”

Answer: Absolutely not. Dating is hardly the same thing as marriage. If the man wishes to do things Biblically, he should seek his wife’s forgiveness and reconciliation. Even she refuses to reconcile, then this does not free the man up to remarry.

Objection: “But God can forgive the sin of adultery.”

Reply: Notice that Christ did not say, “…if the unrepentant man marries another woman, he commits adultery…” Repentance of former adultery and divorce is therefore a non-issue in relation to one’s marriage status. Don’t confuse God’s forgiveness with the consequences that people must sometimes face for their actions. Even should a person sincerely repent for a sin that they’ve committed, it does not mean that the consequences for that sin are removed. Consider this, when Moses struck the rock after God had told him to speak to it, God refused to allow Moses to enter the Promised Land. Don’t you think that Moses was contrite when he realized that he had angered God? Knowing the relationship that Moses had with God, being one of the few people who have ever had the opportunity to look upon God, I would say that they had quite a close relationship. I’m sure that Moses was quite contrite for his actions. He had, however, dishonored God in the eyes of the people and that action carried consequences. I’ve also several people talk about David’s sin time and time again, saying “but God forgave David!” Yes, God did forgive David, but David’s actions still carried consequences. David lost 4 children for his sin (wow!) and nearly had his kingdom taken from him. The same is true in marriage. Though a person may regret and repent of their fornication and their divorce, this still does not free them from the consequences of their action. In this case, the consequence is being unable to remarry.

Also of note: The DMV or BMV has a motto: Driving is a privilege, not a right. This slogan’s purpose is to point out that the driver has to abide by certain rules and not to abuse the license he has been given, or it is their right to revoke that license. You could say that the same rule applies in marriage, but more so. Marriage is a privilege and a gift from God. God is the One Who instituted marriage and continues to sanctify it, and it is God sets the rules for marriage. If God decides that those who would divorce their wife have forfeited their right to remarry, then this is perfectly within His right as the One Who created us and gave us marriage in the first place.

Objection: “But Jesus’ words were meant for the Jews who thought that they could divorce their wife, remarry, and still be right in the eyes of God. His words do not apply to us.”

Reply: Totally untrue. When Christ speaks of this subject, He references the creation and how God intended things. When He mentioned the Mosaic law, He says that God permitted the act of divorce out of the hardness of men’s hearts, but that this was never how God intended for things to be. (Mark 10:2-12) Those who wish to follow God’s commands and live as Christ’s disciples are definitely obligated to live by His words. Christ specifically says that God’s design was for marriage to be between one man and one woman until the end of their days on earth. I would say that taking Christ’s words and trying to invalidate them in the lives of fellow Christians is a very grave error and transgression that needs to be repented of.

“We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, ‘I know him,’ but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God’s love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.” 1 John 2:3-6

For more reading on this subject, see my previous post, Jesus’ Words on Divorce and Remarriage.

Read Full Post »

Jesus’ Words on Divorce and Remarriage

This topic is spoken of directly by Jesus and appears twice in the Gospel of Matthew and once in the Gospels of Mark and Luke. How often do you hear it spoken of in church? I was brought up in church by my parents and I can tell you that I’d never heard this topic talked about until I reached adulthood and then even that has been severely limited. When I realized what the Bible had to say about the subject, as my husband and I have moved from place to place and have had to look for a church to attend, we’ve asked different pastors what their stance on divorce and remarriage was. If it weren’t a serious topic, it would have been funny watching them as they stumble over themselves in sheer awkwardness. Some pastors have never even studied on the subject, one admitted that he was still in the process of studying it, and many others who know what the Bible says, do their best to sidestep it the best they can. I’ve learned that it is a rare pastor who will try to formulate a position that’s based on the Bible at all, even if it is slightly variant from what I think the Scripture is saying.

So let’s examine for ourselves what the Scriptures say on this topic.

“The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him. And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.” And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:2-12)

Points from the Scripture:

1) In the Old Testament and under the Old Covenant, divorce was allowed, but Jesus clearly states that this was not the way that God intended for it to be.

“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”(Matthew 19:9)

2) The only clause kept in the New Testament for divorce is for the reason of an unfaithful spouse.

3) Remarriage for the divorcee is called adultery. (Except those divorced for reasons of spousal infidelity.)

“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Luke 16:18)

4) Marrying a divorcee is also adultery.

Besides these Scriptures, I would urge the reader to remember that vows made before God should not be taken lightly. Do not forget that marriage is a vow to your mate before witnesses and most of all before God.

POSSIBLE QUESTIONS:

I’ve divorced my husband, what now?

If your husband has not remarried and you are able, then seek reconciliation. If that isn’t possible, then make the best of your current state and serve God in your singleness.

“But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:11)

I’ve married a divorcee or I’ve been divorced and remarried, what do I do now?

Acknowledge your sin before God and repent in your heart for the wrong you’ve done. However, what’s done is done. God hates divorce and would not have you now go out and create more divorce and adulterous relationships by divorcing your current spouse. Make the best of what you now have and serve God the best you can in your current marriage.

“I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel…” (Malachi 2:16)

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.” (Deuteronomy 24:1-4)

Now I know sometimes that quoting the Old Testament laws can get sticky, but I think that it is always of note when God mentions something being “an abomination” before Him and uses language talking about polluting the land with sin. So while this was written to the Israelites as part of their law, I think that God’s feelings on this matter have not changed.

CONCLUSION

While quite the awkward subject, the church’s failing to address this issue has left devastating results. Coupled with our society’s espousal of divorce of first marriages because they were made “when I was young and stupid” and divorce of those “they’ve fallen out of love with”, the divorce and remarriage rate is skyrocketing. About 50% of marriages end in divorce. The church has been no exception to this rule! The mindset “if I mess up, there’s always another chance to marry the ‘right’ one” is completely unacceptable. There is no such thing as a “starter marriage”! We as a church need to address this topic again, even if it is awkward. Responsibility and consequences must be shown to turn the tide for the next generation. We must teach our generation who have not heard God’s word and our future generation the necessity to use wisdom and caution when choosing a mate, show them the permanence that God expects of those who would take the marriage vow, so that when they do choose, they do so very carefully. If we are to stem and turn the tide of this collapse of the family, we can no longer remain silent on this issue.

Read Full Post »